When Someone At Work Has A Grudge Against You
oferty Pracy działdowo - http://gtsc.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=mus-album.org%2Fuser%2Forancelqmm; When Someone at Work Has a Grudge Against You You know the old adage about letting sleeping dogs lie? It doesn’t apply to people with grudges, who may actually become more difficult from stewing in their angry juices about whatever sleight or injury they’ve pinned on you. Not every problem with people can be resolved. Some people are more married to their grudge (it gives them a reason to live) than they are to resolving it.
People are prickly, they take offense and lock onto it, and once they’ve made up their mind about you and fit you into their pre-existing conditioning, you may need to just let it go and let them carry it. But most the time, grudges and grievances can be worked out, but first you have to air them out so you can work them out. One possible sign of a grudge or grievance is if the person suddenly stops talking to you. A stronger signal is if they start talking about you behind your back.
And if they start making strange comments about you to your face, putting you down, laughing at you, and then waving it off like it’s just a joke, there’s a good chance that they are harboring bad feelings about you, and trying to discharge them through ‘funny’ comments. When is the best time to deal with a possible grudge or grievance? Right away. Don’t let wounds fester, and don’t let grievances grow.
When you first suspect that someone has something going on with you, that’s the time to bring that which is hidden to the surface, where you can acknowledge and deal with it. If you suspect someone is holding a grudge, but you’re not certain, see what you can find out. If you find evidence that someone is harboring a grudge, do what you can to clear the air. The best place to do that is privately. Why? To avoid creating any embarrassing moments and memories in the minds of witnesses.
This could be a difficult conversation, so steel yourself for it. To begin, you can say, “I’m concerned that you and I have something going on between us that could interfere with our working together.” This depersonalizes the problem, and places it between you rather than on them. Then repeat back to them the negative statements they have made and ask them what they were really trying to say.
”Last Tuesday at the meeting with the rest of our team and the project manager, you said (fill in their potentially hostile comment). I don’t get it. I’m wondering, when you said that, what was going on? What were you really trying to say?” Remember, it’s not what you say but how you say it. Best to look innocent and curious, rather than hostile yourself. Do this really well, and the person won’t realize what’s going on.
With no reactive or defensive behavior on your part, they are likely to volunteer the information you ask for before they it occurs to them to put up their shields.
